Daily Life, Creativity, Retirement, Life Purpose

Be patient, please. I have many thoughts to chew over, and somehow this title will make sense, I hope.

After years of trying to “find myself”, I’m comfortable with “creative” as ONE of my identities. The only problem is my output as a creative has been stumbling lately. My “100DayProject” on Instagram (only found in my Story), is pretty much the only evidence of such identity. It’s not that I don’t have many ideas for many creative things to do, it’s just that daily life gets in the way.

Take that sweet face you see in the photo with this post. That’s our pup Pepper who had orthopedic surgery last week on her knee. Total reconstruction, plate, screws etc. Ouch. Well, since then my identity seems to have morphed into nurse/physical therapist. I didn’t realize that would be the outcome of this surgery. No, no, no. I didn’t count on spending my days metering out medicine, worrying about her potty trips (and , ummm, potty production) and performing physical therapy on her twice a day. I have many things on my to-do list, including this blog, that have fallen off the list with this dog recovery rising to the top. Oy.

And that’s the problem when you become a caretaker. Caretaking jumps to the top of your list. Whether it’s kids, pets, your house (I will discuss our house build another time), those things always seem to take priority. Even now as I try to bang out a post I hear Pepper moaning in the other room. There jumps my brain… is she hungry, does she need a potty trip, does she just want to join me at the kitchen table? We’ve been keeping the two dogs separated most of the week for Pepper’s safety, but she doesn’t love the isolation. So, excuse me for a minute. Or five? 30? As I tend to my patient.

So, that was a great 24 hours. It was all of the above for Pepper, then followed by physical therapy, and then it was time to prepare the family dinner, eat, and collapse for the night. Once upon a time I was willing and able to write into the wee hours of the morning. But these days my brain slides into a pile of oatmeal in the evening, and most creativity vanishes. Blame it on my chemo a few years back, or maybe blame it on pandemic fade.

But this is what happens to creatives with caretaking responsibilities. I am maxed out with caretaking two cats, two dogs, and a household to even consider taking on more if I have any ambitions left to be a creative. It’s been suggested that when we move to the farm property next year, I take on alpaca, chickens, or maybe adorable baby goats. That’s not happening. My younger child is about to graduate college and plans to become a professsional musician. We have had conversations about whether a family could ever fit into that lifestyle. All I can say is that it would be difficult. The choices become no choice when you have someone depending on you.

Many of my friends are approaching a point where retirement is getting close. They’ve had their careers, raised their families, and don’t really want to start something new.

I wish it was so easy for me. I feel like there’s more to create and not just for my own amusement, but to put out into the world. This nagging internal voice says there’s something in my life purpose that has yet to be completed. And that involves more creativity and a bit less caretaking going forward. I love my family, I love my pets, I hope to love our future home, but…. if all my attention continues to be focused there, when will this life purpose ever be fulfilled?

Or am I entirely wrong about this life purpose business? To be continued the next time I have a moment to bang out a post.